Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
