a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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