Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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