Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
