He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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