Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i believe in u and ur pee
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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