I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize