May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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