So drunk its hurt
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
