how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
