??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
