why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
