whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
