the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm way too hungover for life right now
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
