also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
