everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
