Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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