can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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