ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I didn't shave. On purpose
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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