OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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