Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
