saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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