im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize