I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
