Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
