is your mom at the bar?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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