hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
