he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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