I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
