Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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