Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize