i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
