Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
