everyone is single if you try hard enough
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
