i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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