Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
