I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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