Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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