exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
