Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
