Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
