He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
