You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
