its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
