it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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