I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize