I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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