i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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