Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
