my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
