They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize