There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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