im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Someone shattered a urinal.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
false alarm, still single
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
