You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
