Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
