why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
