the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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