if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
