Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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