i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
