Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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