Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
