the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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