that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
