So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
