All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
