i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
