Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
