I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
