I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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