some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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