Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
