ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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