Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
