i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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