I think i peed on brittanys purse
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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