Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
