Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
