we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
