I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
