she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Randomize
