I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
