You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
