no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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