so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
