called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
