I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Randomize
