I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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