Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
