you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
