i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
