They should really pass out barf bags in church
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
