But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
