SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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