you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
