You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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