Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
