Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
