Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
