Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
