Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I didn't notice because vodka
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
