When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
