I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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