help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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