a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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