Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Michael Bay diarrhea
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
