so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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