Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
